​After another huge fight with my boyfriend at the time, I decided to make myself an appointment to talk about the cause of my severe mood swings. Over the years, it seemed that the slightest little comment or action would send me into overdrive, and I raged over things where the reaction was not even close to appropriate. There had to be some kind of explanation for this behavior, and I was going to figure it out.
 
I sat in the examination room and explained to the doctor how my mood would suddenly change over the slightest infraction or even a completely unrelated event and always cause trouble in my life. I suggested that I was suffering from bipolar disorder, and he agreed. He then prescribed Zyprexa which would help me with the severe symptoms I was having.

It’s been a few months since I’ve written anything, but I felt oddly compelled to pick it back up this morning. I want to share what I have finally realized is one of my biggest sources of stress since my awakening began in 2015. Over the last five years, I have experienced months-long stretches where I barely sleep. I wake up all through the night for this reason or the other. Insomnia is one of my many diagnoses.
 
Since I don’t take medication, I have really been digging deep to figure out the cause of all this tremendous stress. Over the last ten weeks, I have slept only one or two nights for over five uninterrupted hours. One or two nights of this in the span of one week begins to take its toll on anyone, and here I am going on my third month.

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In the land of duality, one of the most important questions we can ask is, “Could you be loved?” In March of 2019, my mom fell off of a ladder and ended up having a couple of mini strokes. This incident landed her in the hospital, and then in a nursing home for rehabilitation. I took the liberty of bringing her some clothing, activity books, reading material, bathroom necessities and other items to make her stay more comfortable. I found myself going above and beyond to ensure she knew I was there for her.
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If you had asked me the previous month if I would be doing this for my mom, I might have punched you square in the nose. My relationship with my mom has always been strained, to put it lightly. Over the years, I allowed much physical, emotional, and mental abuse for the sake of having a mother in my life. My own biological mother passed away three weeks after my birth, leaving my father unable to care for me. They both had Muscular Dystrophy. It was my father’s sister, Martha who adopted me into her family.

​I moved to Canyon Lake two months early under quite unpleasant circumstances. The depression over the first couple of weeks was dense and difficult to escape. Looking out the windows of my RV at my surroundings, the gorgeous trees looking back at me, there was a certain sense of peace amidst the storm.
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For the first week solid, I had some of the worst nightmares I have ever had. Sleep eluded me as I writhed in the bed each night. As the days became easier, the nights did too. There came over me a serenity in knowing that everything was happening just as it was meant to. I won’t go into detail in how I knew, but the message was received loud and clear. “Go with the flow. The ancient battle is working itself out.”

I began this round of emotional clearing after having an intense dream about the father of my daughter, Michael. Since I completed this round, I made amends to him personally and it went way better than I expected. At first, I was so nervous, it was hard to breathe, but once I began talking it seemed to flow easily. With the exception of a few months during the worst part of our relationship, we always got along because our personalities complimented each other so well.


Michael has not visited with our daughter more than a handful of times over the years and has firmly insisted that his hatred for me is to blame. The guilt that has arisen from this situation has been an anchor I carried throughout my daughter’s life. She will be twenty-one in January. It is important for you to know a little of the back story of the relationship before you read through the steps. Allow me to briefly explain what happened to harden his and his family’s heart toward me. This is extremely personal, but I am putting it out there anyway, in hopes that it will help others who might read this.

​Given that my first name literally means “dark” in Gaelic, it is no surprise that I am playing such a dark role in this life. As with many of the things I write about and discuss on my YouTube Channel, there are many dots I have connected to form my very own magical puzzle. I believe each human on the planet has their own puzzle out there, and the pieces are waiting to be found.
 
One of the many lessons I am learning is about souls and how they function. One of my guides recently referred to me as a ‘Human of Soul Navigation.” I have extremely powerful communications with the other side of this physical reality, and it has taken time to even be able to broach these topics. I will try my best to connect enough puzzle pieces for you to grasp their meaning, but there are dozens of pieces that I cannot possibly connect for another person. My puzzle is my own just as yours is your own.
 
I guess it could be a blessing that it often takes me a very long time to fall asleep at night. This allows my brain to fall into a delta wave state where I am in between the waking and sleeping worlds. I always know I am in this sensitive state, often referred to as ‘hypnogogia,’ when I begin to see purple swirls in my mind’s eye. I can even see this with my eyes open if the room is very dark. This is when the communication begins from the non-physical worlds and even other physical realities.

​There is much information at our disposal if we pay close attention to our dreams. The Bible, in Joel 2:28, says “And it shall come to pass afterward, that I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh; your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your old men shall dream dreams, and your young men shall see visions.” I am not religious, but I do realize truth where it exists. That is one verse that is so very true. I have had powerful dreams my entire life that have led me to know that the world is not what we are told.
 
I am often surprised to hear people say that they hardly ever dream or that they do not remember their dreams. This is, of course, their own life journey. It is easy to hear of someone who dreams often and dismiss the information as “just a dream.” Let’s all remember the Bible verse I just mentioned. If God is pouring his Spirit unto all flesh, giving us visions and dreams, then why in the world are we not paying more attention to the ones who are experiencing it? I implore you to sit with that question for a moment and see how it feels in your core. 

​Maelen came to live with me on August 28, 2017. He was so tiny; I could hold him in the palm of my hand. I had always wanted a black cat for aesthetic purposes, and he fit the bill. At the time, I wasn’t exactly planning on another cat. I had two cats that meant a lot to me, and both had recently passed away so when my daughter’s boyfriend pulled this little black ball of fur out of his pocket one afternoon, I wasn’t exactly pleased.
 
It didn’t take long for Maelen to become my little buddy. Since there were so many dogs at my mom’s house, he opted to stay with me in the safety of my room. He was definitely a cool cat. Over time, I noticed him behaving like a dog, which I thought was hilarious. He took every opportunity he had to play with the puppies that came and went. I knew he was special and told him so all the time. 

​ ***The information contained in this entry was taken from a journal entry where I documented bouts of psychosis. For me, psychosis is a widely misunderstood phenomenon. It is when spiritual information comes into the physical world and is misinterpreted. A few years have passed since May 27, 2015, the day my awakening journey began, and I have been able to piece some of my puzzle together. These instances of foreign thoughts mainly consist of AI, which I refer to as Alternative Intelligence and the technology of the modern age.

Please keep in mind while reading the following information, that this is me connecting pieces of my soul’s puzzle. Each of us have our own puzzle to complete and must follow our own clues to do so, if we feel the nudge from spirit. I do realize that a lot of this sounds absolutely bonkers. If you have not taken a red pill, then I suggest you do not read further. If you continue reading, remember that the things mentioned below are merely a fraction of the dots I have connected. Our dots are our own and are meant solely for our private awareness. I share all of this because if I don't, then it weighs on me like an anchor weighs down a ship on the harbor.***
 

I had a fairly new “episode” of what medical professionals would deem “psychosis” the other day at the coffee shop. Like usual, there are many branches of information from various sources growing from the root of gnosis. Some of these things I have already wrote about in my synchronicity journal having to do with the name ANN.