After another huge fight with my boyfriend at the time, I decided to make myself an appointment to talk about the cause of my severe mood swings. Over the years, it seemed that the slightest little comment or action would send me into overdrive, and I raged over things where the reaction was not even close to appropriate. There had to be some kind of explanation for this behavior, and I was going to figure it out.
I sat in the examination room and explained to the doctor how my mood would suddenly change over the slightest infraction or even a completely unrelated event and always cause trouble in my life. I suggested that I was suffering from bipolar disorder, and he agreed. He then prescribed Zyprexa which would help me with the severe symptoms I was having.
Looking back, I see that the medicine did help some, but the sudden shifts in my mood were still bothersome. I did lots of research on bipolar disorder and learned there was no cure, but many types of therapies and lifestyle changes I could make to help me. It was daunting to read about how there was no official cure and I would suffer these symptoms my whole life. The stigma of the label, “bipolar” was on me and there was no removing it. I felt incredibly stuck and hopeless.
When I was a child, my friend’s mother openly suffered from symptoms of bipolar. There were times I spent the night and witnessed firsthand how horrible this illness was. My friend often received horrible beatings, sometimes with a broom handle or anything else that was handy. I remember thinking that I would hate to be so sick that I would ever act the way my friend’s mother did…yet here I now was. It was indeed a horrible feeling!
Medical professionals don’t seem to have a clue about how important it is to consider the spiritual side of mental health. In fact, spirit is not even a factor in their archaic practices. You have to see various types of doctors to get anywhere. Nutritionists, medical doctors, psychologists, therapists, etc. I could spend a lot of time caught up on the outdated practices of the medical model, but I won’t go there. If you have had any experiences with spiritual crises, you already know. I was doomed to a life of misery, but as long as I changed everything about my life, there was a small glimmer of hope, right?
My life seemed to spiral out of control and downhill fast after 2013. My boyfriend and I drank nearly every day, and the fighting became extremely violent. We added cocaine to the mix and things reached a tumultuous climax of drama. When the relationship finally ended in 2014, I began dabbling in meth and became utterly addicted. After all, there was no hope to be cured of my bipolar disorder, so what the hell? Why not go all the way down the tubes?
By the time 2015 came, I no longer cared if I lived or died. I was shooting meth daily and staying up for days, and sometimes weeks on end. My diet consisted of Four Lokos and Reece’s Peanut Butter Cups. On May 27, 2015, I said a prayer to whoever was listening to help pull me out of this slump I had sunk into. That same day I was answered by a walk-in that sent me into a tailspin! My life has been forever changed. When I was released from the hospital in June, 2015, I began researching for answers on what exactly happened to me. I searched through pages of information online and happened across Jelaila Starr’s YouTube channel. Finally, something made sense and resonated with my soul!!! Everything she said about Lightworkers, Starseeds and Walk-In’s hit me as the absolute truth of what I had experienced. I was not “crazy,” I was blossoming into a powerful psychic medium and had nearly every one of the “Clairs.”
My awakening journey is not like most that you hear about. The heavy use of drugs had burned out my receptors that allowed the information to trickly through slowly, which is why the downloads of information sent me into shock. I had no basis for knowing why I was suddenly thinking such existential thoughts but finding Jelaila was definitely a prayer answered.
Over the next couple of years, I kept relapsing and falling back into the meth trap. I teetered back and forth on the fence of whether I was mentally ill or highly psychic. It was a challenge to believe in myself and my abilities and as long as I doubted myself and my experiences, I kept falling down. I had actually bought both of Jelaila’s books at one point and began to read them, but I just wasn’t ready!
In February of 2017, I relapsed again and put a needle in my veins for the last time. There are some major events which happened during this time that permanently shifted my reality and perception which I will not go into here. Let’s just say that I learned how important our animals are and how their souls communicate with those with ears to hear.
In order to truly heal yourself from any kind of disorder, you must first shift your perception on life. You must get off your knees and find your inner hero in the mirror. I was raised Southern Baptist, so this healing journey took a major fundamental change in my world view. I was no longer waiting on someone other than myself to save me and took matters into my own hands. I finally read the two books I had purchased from Jelaila and began emotional clearing using the Formula of Compassion.
BPD is caused by having loads of unresolved trauma stored in the body. For me, I have experienced a massive amount of trauma and made a list of each situation that caused me pain. Over the years, I have used the Formula dozens of times, and each time, a little more of the trauma is transmuted into compassion. The Formula is somewhat like the 12 steps of AA, except that you DO have the power needed to save yourself from your past.
Let’s say that you are out at a restaurant and a commercial comes on TV that subconsciously reminds you of a past trauma. If you are unhealed, you will begin exuding symptoms stemming from the trauma. Suddenly, you are manic and triggered from the commercial, yet your conscious mind, as well as your dinner companion have no idea you have just been triggered by the commercial. All anyone sees are the symptoms associated with trauma, and you wear the label of Bipolar. Once you heal the trauma, the trigger no longer exists and you are free from the shackles of the label.
If you have specific questions about using the Formula, then please contact Jelaila. I did not have anything to do with creating the Formula, I simply use it in my life to heal from my traumas. There is indeed hope for you if you are suffering from bipolar disorder. I still have occasions where I am manic with psychosis, but that is a completely different ball game. Let me quickly say that psychosis is caused when too much spiritual information is received, yet there is no comprehension of the information.
Please let me know if there are any questions that I can help answer. This healing process takes a lot of time and hard work, but it is possible to recover from this hurtful lifelong label. Good luck to you in your journey. If you are taking medication for your symptoms, please continue doing so. I am not considered a medical or psychiatric professional so please talk to your doctor before making any changes such as medication.
My name is Kerry Eppler and these are my true tales. Relax. Enjoy. Be inspired.