It’s been a few months since I’ve written anything, but I felt oddly compelled to pick it back up this morning. I want to share what I have finally realized is one of my biggest sources of stress since my awakening began in 2015. Over the last five years, I have experienced months-long stretches where I barely sleep. I wake up all through the night for this reason or the other. Insomnia is one of my many diagnoses.
 
Since I don’t take medication, I have really been digging deep to figure out the cause of all this tremendous stress. Over the last ten weeks, I have slept only one or two nights for over five uninterrupted hours. One or two nights of this in the span of one week begins to take its toll on anyone, and here I am going on my third month.

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​I moved to Canyon Lake two months early under quite unpleasant circumstances. The depression over the first couple of weeks was dense and difficult to escape. Looking out the windows of my RV at my surroundings, the gorgeous trees looking back at me, there was a certain sense of peace amidst the storm.
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For the first week solid, I had some of the worst nightmares I have ever had. Sleep eluded me as I writhed in the bed each night. As the days became easier, the nights did too. There came over me a serenity in knowing that everything was happening just as it was meant to. I won’t go into detail in how I knew, but the message was received loud and clear. “Go with the flow. The ancient battle is working itself out.”

​Maelen came to live with me on August 28, 2017. He was so tiny; I could hold him in the palm of my hand. I had always wanted a black cat for aesthetic purposes, and he fit the bill. At the time, I wasn’t exactly planning on another cat. I had two cats that meant a lot to me, and both had recently passed away so when my daughter’s boyfriend pulled this little black ball of fur out of his pocket one afternoon, I wasn’t exactly pleased.
 
It didn’t take long for Maelen to become my little buddy. Since there were so many dogs at my mom’s house, he opted to stay with me in the safety of my room. He was definitely a cool cat. Over time, I noticed him behaving like a dog, which I thought was hilarious. He took every opportunity he had to play with the puppies that came and went. I knew he was special and told him so all the time.