Hey, I'm Maelen
Maelen came to live with me on August 28, 2017. He was so tiny; I could hold him in the palm of my hand. I had always wanted a black cat for aesthetic purposes, and he fit the bill. At the time, I wasn’t exactly planning on another cat. I had two cats that meant a lot to me, and both had recently passed away so when my daughter’s boyfriend pulled this little black ball of fur out of his pocket one afternoon, I wasn’t exactly pleased.
It didn’t take long for Maelen to become my little buddy. Since there were so many dogs at my mom’s house, he opted to stay with me in the safety of my room. He was definitely a cool cat. Over time, I noticed him behaving like a dog, which I thought was hilarious. He took every opportunity he had to play with the puppies that came and went. I knew he was special and told him so all the time.
One night I went to sleep with him lying beside me. I woke up in a lucid dream state and felt the strangest sensations. I was still laying on my bed, looking up at the ceiling, and the ceiling was so dark I could not see it. It appeared that the ceiling was no longer there. There was a powerful energy filling that blackness that wanted me to know it was there. It was Maelen. Even though I did not see him, I sensed his presence. I am trying hard to come up with a way to describe the sensations, but it is difficult to put this type of energy into words. I will do my best.
Knowing Maelen was above and around me, I felt a sort of playfulness. It was as if he was hiding behind a corner waiting for me to come around so he could pounce on my leg. I trusted my instincts that the energy I felt was indeed Maelen and said out loud, “Maelen, I know you’re there.” Although I only saw blackness when I peered into the ceiling, I felt a confirmation that he was playing with my astral body. Soul to soul, we were having a moment while we were “sleeping” in my room. There was then a sort of sensual pleasure introduced, and I immediately knew that I know this soul. There was a bit of wonder about who it really was that lied beside me in my bed. Even though it seemed to ignite a sexual enticement, I would not call it a sexual perversion. It was more like a playful and intriguing pure energy.
As I said, it is difficult to describe the sensations. I have had sexual dreams before, but this was not like that. The energy was an innocent love, not purely sexual, though there were definitely erotic undertones. It made me wonder who Maelen really is on the other side. I kept my focus on the dark void in my ceiling, wondering if at any point he would pounce on me in his true form, whatever that may be. I woke up from this experience, knowing I had just had a moment with Maelen that extends through space and time. Where do I go with things like this when everyone I know thinks these are “just dreams?”
A couple of months later, I had another dream about him, but this one was quite disturbing. I remember being on a school bus that was driving down FM 77 in Waxahachie, TX, heading towards town. Looking out the back window of the bus, I saw Maelen get hit by a car, and his body roll on the pavement. Suddenly, the scene changed, and I was in some sort of medical facility. In front of me was a small glass box resembling a neonatal incubator, and his body was split in half. His lower half was to my right side, and there were organs and guts exposed. His top half was to my left side, and his head laid up against the glass.
This scene was extremely vivid and clear. Maelen was still alive in that box, and as I stood there watching him, I heard a loud voice say, “Tell him goodbye.” I walked closer to the glass to say my goodbyes and saw that his eyes were open. I said to him in my sweetest and most sincere voice that I would see him later and that I loved him. The sorrow radiated through my core as I talked to him through that glass. In the dream, it was clear that Maelen was someone special to me, but in this reality, he is a black tabby who somehow made his way to my house. God does work in mysterious ways!
After my last experience with Tiger and Chewy, I really did want to do better with Maelen. I wanted to make sure he had a good life, but I was sadly not able to give him the home he needed. At the time, I was living with my mom in a horribly negative and traumatic environment. I decided in February of 2018 to move out. I was sad to leave Maelen behind, but I had no choice. I had to do what was necessary to protect myself. This only worked out for a short month, and then I was right back at my mom’s where I was completely miserable. During that month, Maelen had become accustomed to going outside at will, and became feral.
I ended up living there a few more months and did my best to care for the animals that lived there with us. My heart is filled with so much love for them, that at times it feels like it may explode! It was this move in particular where I promised my Inner Child, Ella, that I would never move back in with my mom, no matter what. That is one promise that I will never break. It broke my heart to leave all the animals, including Maelen, but I had to do what was best for Ella. I had another dream about Maelen shortly after I moved out where I had gone to pick him up and he was riding with me to my new house. I looked over at him and he told me that he did not want to leave his home. I took that as a sign that I should not bother relocating him.
A few months went by and it turned bitter cold outside. I heard a rumor that my mom no longer allowed Maelen inside the house because she said he was urinating on everything (This turned out to be false). I hated the idea of him feeling like I had abandoned him out there. It ate away at my conscience until I made the decision to go ahead and bring him to live with me. He was mostly feral by this point, and it took a couple of attempts to catch him and put him in a crate. He finally made it back to my house, and was very scared for a couple of days, but he finally felt safe enough to come out of his hiding spot and investigate the new environment.
We had to buy two pairs of gloves and considered full body armor when it came time to put him in the bathtub and wash him. Luckily, no one was seriously injured during this terrifying chore, and Maelen sparkled good as new! Once he discovered the front door, that was all she wrote. It seemed like the only thing he ever wanted was to go in and out of the door and to eat food. It took some getting used to on everyone’s part, because the Maelen that I knew was no longer. He was feral.
The first time he disappeared for a few days, I thought I would never see him again. He was gone for several days, and I thought I saw him half a mile down the road while driving home one day. I am still not sure if that was him or not. Apparently, there was another black cat that lived in that neighborhood. I drove home one evening and saw a black cat lying dead in the road. At first, my heart sank with the thoughts of it being Maelen. I stopped my car on the road and looked at the dead cat. Then I remembered that Maelen so happened to be lying on my bed at home. I felt bad for the kitty who was hit by the car, but I was relieved to know it was not my Maelen.
He would come home from his three- or four-day sprees and hop on my bed or sprawl on the couch, but he was never home for long before he was back to prowling on the prairie. We lived out in the country, and he had lots of room to roam freely. It didn’t take long for him to start coming home with injuries. I am sure he was getting into fights with other cats in the neighborhood. Many times, he would limp into the house, bleeding from spots and infected in others. He would have horribly swollen paws where he had obviously fought bravely with another animal. I would do my best to treat him, and then he was back to it.
There came a point where it was abundantly evident that we would have to change residences again very soon. There was lots of drug activity, not to mention septic tank issues and other serious concerns that came to the forefront of our minds. I knew in my heart that with three dogs and a cat that I could have a very hard time finding a place to rent. There would be days that I would not see Maelen and wonder if he was dead. In the back of my mind, I felt that maybe that would be the best for him. The idea of dropping him back off at my mom’s house plagued me.
Sure enough, we found the perfect place, but Maelen would not be allowed to go. Not only were there no pets allowed, it was smack dab in the middle of the busy city where I feared that Maelen would not last long before he was hit by a car or attacked by dogs. I knew that I had no choice but to put him back in the carrier and return him to my mom’s house. At least her house was in the country where he had free range. My plan was to wait until the week we moved and catch him when he was at home from one of his sprees. The guilt weighed heavy on my heart.
We filled out the rental application, and anxiously awaited an approval. Maelen had been gone for a long five days this time, and once again, I wondered if he had been killed. The morning of July 24, 2019, I walked outside on the porch and saw him sitting down the steps. It was immediately odd for him to be sitting there, because he was always waiting right outside the door first thing in the morning on the days he returned from his long ventures. This day was very different.
I called for him to come inside the house. He paused a moment and then came right in. He was walking slower than usual, but I still didn’t see the true extent of his condition. I pulled out a can of food for him and put some in his bowl. He seemed to nibble a little, looked at me strangely, and jumped down. He sat at the water bowl for a moment, seemingly getting himself a drink of cool water. I knew something must have happened to him. He smelled like a dead animal and kept gagging as if he was trying to throw something up. I thought that maybe he had eaten a rotten carcass and simply needed to throw up. He was noticeably thin as if he hadn’t eaten in days. His food bowl was still full, so he must have just been sick to his stomach.
He attempted to jump on my bed to lay down, but I didn’t want him on my bed because of the rotten smell of dead flesh. I picked him up and sat him down on his second favorite spot, the washing machine. The poor guy was in horrible condition, and I was worried about him. I looked up home remedies that would make him throw up whatever was making his stomach sick and saw that I could give him a small amount of hydrogen peroxide to induce vomiting. I put a ml of peroxide in a medicine dropper and attempted to open his mouth. Luckily for Maelen, none of it actually went in his mouth.
His tongue had been nearly split in half and the bottom two fangs had broken off. If I had succeeded in giving him the peroxide, there is no telling how much more pain I would have caused him. The sight was extremely unnerving! I called a local veterinarian and told them I would be bringing him in for an emergency visit, packed him up into his carrier, and hit the road.
Sure enough, Maelen was in extremely poor shape. The vet examined him and saw he was extremely dehydrated from not being able to drink water. He had mucous in his lungs and needed multiple tests to get him on the road to recovery. The bill came to more than $500 before we even got started, and there was no guarantee if he would recover. I could have used our savings to go ahead with the treatment plan, but that was our move-in money. It was a horrible feeling to be in such a position. He was in the exam room alone while I was in the hallway talking to the nurse. I looked through the window at him, and he looked into my eyes. I sensed the fear and misery in his eyes. I returned my attention to the nurse and asked about euthanasia. She told me that she didn’t blame me for suggesting it, but I felt like total crap for even suggesting it.
I discussed the options with my daughter, Kalista, and we both decided that euthanasia was the way to proceed. Kalista hurried and headed up to the clinic so she could say goodbye to him. He was in such pain, I asked for them to give him something that would ease the pain. The vet told me that I was making the right choice, and that that is what he would have decided in the same situation. He then gave him half a dose of the sedative and left the room. I stayed in the room with him as he fell asleep. I gave him one last hug and told him that it was almost over. I told him, “Maelen, this is just a dream, and soon you will wake up and remember who you truly are.” I told him how much I loved him, and that I was happy he chose to be a part of my life. He laid down on the table and fell into a deep sleep.
As I looked at his little body, I noticed that I could see the rise and fall of his lungs. I could see the beating of his heart through his fur. A song began playing in my head. It was ‘Crazy’ by Gnarls Barkley:
‘Come on now, who do you
Who do you, who do you
Who do you think you are?
Ha ha ha, bless your soul
You really think you're in control?’
That last line stuck out as a nudge from my soul. I was not the one in control of the situation. At that point, I knew that Maelen had planned this event. Was he really watching me as I sat in the room watching him? Tears streamed easily down my face. I am not always the best when it comes to allowing tears to flow, but this moment was so powerful for me, there was no stopping them. I hoped that Kalista would hurry up and arrive so she could tell him goodbye. I watched his heart beating and noticed that his breaths were more labored and becoming exponentially shallow. It was then that I realized that he had not been gagging because he needed to throw up, he had been choking on his own tongue.
Another random song popped into my head. ‘Human’ by The Killers:
'You taught me everything I know
Wish me well
You got to let me go
Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
My sign is vital
My hands are cold
And I'm on my knees
Looking for the answer
Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
Will your system be alright
When you dream of home tonight?
There is no message we're receiving
Let me know is your heart still beating?'
The last line began repeating in my mind as I continued to watch my little buddy. I felt a strong sense that something more was at play. I began talking out loud to his spirit. I said, “Maelen, come see me tonight in my dreams and let me know you’re okay.” The lyric, “Let me know is your heart still beating.” came out incorrectly as, “Let me know is my heart still beating.” I looked into his eyes, which were still wide open. I could tell that he was no longer in his body, and his pupils were dilated. His eye color changed to a light green color, and the hair on his neck, back and tail stood straight up like he was about to pounce on some unruly dog. His heart had stopped beating in that very moment and he had taken his last breath.
We took Maelen out to my mom’s land south of Waxahachie, TX to bury him. There are at least a dozen other animals that have been buried out there over the years. That reminds me of another dream I had that I would like to briefly share. I can’t remember where I was living at the time, but I had a dream where I was driving “home” from wherever my astral form decided to visit that night. As I came up to the house on my right, I looked at the front porch and noticed Maelen was sitting at the edge of the porch waiting for me. There was about a dozen other animals, dogs, birds, etc., also waiting for me. The feeling was of a warm and loving welcome as I made my way back. That is something I will never forget.
The night we buried him I went to sleep wondering what he had in store for me. I had told him to come to me so I would know he is okay. The dream I had was a bit fuzzy, but I will recall exactly what I remember.
I am in a small office type building and there is a man with a computer screen in front of him. He shows me the words on the computer. There is a last name on the screen. It is a common name (Something like Robinson or Alexander or another very common name). The man describes the process of “changing someone’s last name” when they return into physical form. He is describing reincarnation. It seems like the “world” is below us and we are in some kind of mission control office.
When I woke up, I remember feeling quite disappointed that I didn’t remember much. I did not recall seeing Maelen at all, but at least I had received some information. I walked into the kitchen and my daughter’s boyfriend was standing there drinking coffee. He said, “I had a dream about Maelen.” He described a very brief dream where Maelen was dressed as a little boy, around seven or eight years old, with blonde hair. He said he resembled Macauley Culkin from ‘Home Alone.’ In the dream, the boy appeared and simply said, “Hey, I’m Maelen.” Then he disappeared.
I was elated! Maelen had found an elaborate way to communicate with us and let us know that he is okay on the other side. All of my life has been a major lesson in afterlife communication. It is definitely an intense ride, but it is one that is necessary for the shift in the consciousness of humanity.
One could say that just having a song pop in your head randomly or playing on the radio or by other means is just a coincidence. I would have to tell that person from my own experience that there is nothing random. I became so upset after losing Maelen that I drove to the store to get a pack of cigarettes and started smoking. When I walked in the store, the song that was playing went, “Go ahead and break my heart.” Within two days, my chest was thumping, and I was terrified of having a heart attack, so I put them down again. I was running from the pain I was feeling, and that no longer works for me at this point in my life.
The day after he crossed over, I was at the gym. It seemed like my guides and Maelen were sending me messages and I was extremely emotional. There was a point when a particular song came on my Pandora Radio and I nearly started bawling in the middle of the gym. It was ‘If You Only Knew’ by Shinedown. I have gone nearly my entire life feeling like I wasn’t good enough to be loved by anyone. I didn’t love myself, so why would anyone else love me? Hearing this song as a message from him on the other side, I was immediately filled with an immense feeling of love.
The first lyrics of the song are:
'If you only knew
I'm hanging by a thread
The web I spin for you
If you only knew
I'd sacrifice my beating
Heart before I lose you
I still hold onto the letters
I swear I've lived and learned'
If you haven’t heard the song, please go listen to it. When I heard the part about a beating heart, I nearly burst into tears. I was not able to bring Maelen with me to the new place. He was about to be dropped off at my mom’s house. Abandoned. The guilt I felt ate me up. Before he died, the thought had already crossed my mind many times that maybe he would not last long enough to even have to worry about it. Maybe he would get in a fight bad enough that I wouldn’t have to dump him back off where he had no one to love him.
I considered sneaking him into the new place. After all, he would only be inside for a few hours at a time before he would be out the door running the streets as usual. Then, I realized if my landlord found out, that we could lose our place to live. I also knew that Maelen would not last long living in the heart of the city. He was not used to that. I felt like my only option was for me to take him back to my mom’s. The day would come when we would be moving, and I would need to catch him on his return one morning and put him in the crate for the return trip. Surely, he would understand one day that I had no other choice.
It is no accident that Maelen chose the day we were approved to move in the new place as the day he would exit. There is no doubt in my mind that Maelen knew what was about to happen. All of my experiences have shown me just how powerful our souls are. I was laying in bed a few days after we buried his body in the ground. As usual, I laid there trying to go to sleep, allowing myself to communicate with spirit. A song began to play in my mind that struck a chord in me.
Marshmello ft. Bastille – ‘Happier’
In line with writing this blog, I went to YouTube and watched the music video to this song. I remember seeing it before but forgot what it was about. The tears are still drying on my face! In the video, a little girl who was having a hard time being picked on by other kids in school received a puppy for her birthday. The dog stayed with her in her times of need, helping her to feel better and to smile more. When it was time for him to leave, her and her father took him to the vet where he was about to be put down. I suggest watching the video and listening to the lyrics to get the full effect of how these messages come through.
One of the lyrics that struck me so hard is:
'Then only for a minute
I want to change my mind
'Cause this just don't feel right to me
I want to raise your spirits
I want to see you smile but
Know that means I'll have to leave
Know that means I'll have to leave
Lately, I've been, I've been thinking
I want you to be happier, I want you to be happier
So I'll go, I'll go
I will go, go, go'
Maelen’s soul made the conscious decision to go so I could move into the new place and be happier. Even though I know he loves me unconditionally, the guilt still haunts me a bit. I know that if I had not taken him from my mom’s in the first place, he would have simply thought I had abandoned him then. How could I do that to him? Remember the dream I mentioned where he told me that was his home? I took him anyways, and still had to abandon him in the end.
The way I see it, at least he knew love. I believe that is the reason he came here. Is God powerful enough to coordinate the details of a “pet” that we adopt that happens to be a part of our own soul family? I don’t even want to say that I believe it. I know it. I feel it in everything that I AM. There is so much more that I can write about this subject, right down to how I learned of the name Maelen in a dream. This goes so deep it is really beyond words, but I have done my best to describe this event in a way that scratches the surface.
As a human species, I feel that we are on the precipice of a significant shift in perspective. We should not be afraid to die. We should not feel like those who have crossed to the “other side” have gone far from our reach. This is one of the main reasons I have chosen this life for myself. If I can reach just one soul out there and help them to realize that they are never alone, and there is life and love all around them, then I have done my job.
Thank you, Maelen, for opening my Heart to the love I forgot exists.
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My name is Kerry Eppler and these are my true tales. Relax. Enjoy. Be inspired.