Influencing Darkness

​Given that my first name literally means “dark” in Gaelic, it is no surprise that I am playing such a dark role in this life. As with many of the things I write about and discuss on my YouTube Channel, there are many dots I have connected to form my very own magical puzzle. I believe each human on the planet has their own puzzle out there, and the pieces are waiting to be found.
 
One of the many lessons I am learning is about souls and how they function. One of my guides recently referred to me as a ‘Human of Soul Navigation.” I have extremely powerful communications with the other side of this physical reality, and it has taken time to even be able to broach these topics. I will try my best to connect enough puzzle pieces for you to grasp their meaning, but there are dozens of pieces that I cannot possibly connect for another person. My puzzle is my own just as yours is your own.
 
I guess it could be a blessing that it often takes me a very long time to fall asleep at night. This allows my brain to fall into a delta wave state where I am in between the waking and sleeping worlds. I always know I am in this sensitive state, often referred to as ‘hypnogogia,’ when I begin to see purple swirls in my mind’s eye. I can even see this with my eyes open if the room is very dark. This is when the communication begins from the non-physical worlds and even other physical realities.

​Just two days ago, I was in this state when I heard a voice say, “Deliver the message.” I communicated back to this voice, “What is the message?” I then waited for whatever was to come through next. The voice came back about a minute later and said, “Influencing darkness.” Then I heard, “That is all.” All it took was two words to deliver a massive amount of information. This was confirmation of something I have been thinking about and talking about for a while now. It was the nudge I needed to write this blog. One of my life missions involves influencing the darkness in the world. Let me explain.
 
As I said at the beginning, the name Kerry literally means ‘dusky’ or ‘dark’. We, as souls, give ourselves hints as to our life purpose, and our names are enormous clues. My biological father’s name is Kirk, meaning ‘church.’ This name is Dark Church. Since I was adopted, I was given the last name, Eppler. This changes that name to Dark Apple Grower. (synchronicity with Eve/Lilith) My life from the very beginning has led me to totally immerse myself in the darkness of this world. Many people in the spiritual communities are teaching others to obliterate darkness within themselves and the surrounding world. Organized religion teaches us that the darkness is full of demons and must be avoided like the plague. I see it differently. I see that darkness has a value, just as light has value. I know this because I have been the darkness.

​When a human being is believes that part of themselves is unlovable, that piece can break off and form a thought pattern. This thought pattern is repeated many times and becomes an entity. We literally have other people’s unloved and unrecognized emotional thought patterns running around the world attaching themselves to others. I know this sounds far-fetched, but this is the truth whether we want to admit it or not. Demons are not what we think they are. I believe they are unloved shadows of the mass unconscious. Just imagine if everyone on the planet today would stop running from themselves and embrace their own shadows. Things would look and feel much different. Much lighter.
 
Another powerful method of communication for me is dreams. Here is a dream that I had a few weeks ago that gave me a big hint as to one of my missions.
 
Bellatrix Lestrange & Lilith aka Eve
 
I am in some sort of school and need to be relocated for some reason. I am sitting outside an apartment building window. The building is a creamy beige color, made of a spackled stone material. Bellatrix pokes her head out of the window, and her face is only a few inches from mine. She says, “Lilith?” I am unsure how to answer her because I am unsure whether I am Lilith, but I respond, “Yes?” Bellatrix invites me inside.
 
She lives there with her aunt or her sister. I am living there for some time. At one point I am inside the mansion that looks like something off of Harry Potter. I am sitting in a stairwell with another girl and have a huge spell book in my hands. There is a black square on the top right of the right-hand page. It is an image that has been purposely blacked out, but I have a liquid that I rub over it and the image clears. It is a bit blurry and looks like a vintage photograph with red blurs for the image. It must have been taken millions of years ago.
 
I learned the information, and then realized that Bellatrix will be furious with me. I do not want her to know that I saw the image underneath the black square because it is a secret. I pull out a black marker and attempt to cover up the image. I draw the marker over the image, but it will not let me cover it back up. The image is smooth and shiny on the page as it glistens in the light above us. Me and the other girl know that Bellatrix will be coming for me and she is angry.
 
Scene change
 
I am now outside, and it has been quite some time, maybe a few years later. There is an old swing set next to me and the kids at the school have been having clean, innocent fun playing on it. One of my spells made butterflies appear around the swing set and they begin to flutter all around. It looks like the butterflies formed from the metal the swing set is made of. They are metal butterflies. Bellatrix is with me, she sees the butterflies, and says, “I can’t remember why I ever loved you.” She is disappointed in me because she wanted me to embody and embrace the darkness as she did.
 
End dream

 ​Bellatrix Lestrange is the Queen of Darkness in the famous series, ‘Harry Potter.’ As anyone who has watched the series knows, Harry was nearly placed in Slytherin House by the Sorting Hat in ‘The Sorcerers Stone.’ This is because Harry has the ability to speak to snakes. It takes someone who has darkness within to influence the darkness around them. Take a look at the yin-yang symbol. There is light in the darkness and darkness in the light. Anything else is out of balance.
 
In my dream, Bellatrix represents the darkness and Lilith represents the light. I won’t go too far into the details about Lilith here, but she represents the innocence that we are as souls. I went inside the school and uncovered a spell hidden underneath the darkness. Then the scene changed to me being outside near an old swing set. A spell I had done released the butterflies which upset Bellatrix. The feelings I received after waking from this dream were that I am here to bring joy into a world of darkness and to recalibrate and an off-balance world.
 
From childhood, I have experienced massive amounts of trauma which led me to abuse alcohol and drugs. This was the only way I knew how to cope. I reached a point in 2015 where I no longer cared if I lived or died. I felt like a bystander in my own life who had no control whatsoever in my experiences. My parents passed away, and my adopted parents behavior seemed to only add to my already crumbled foundation. I had not one shred of self-esteem. There were times when I believed I was the devil incarnate. In fact, my mom told me dozens of times that I was the devil. Of course, I would start to believe it!
 
When I learned about reincarnation in 2016, I wondered what I must have done in my past lives to deserve the crappy hand I was dealt in this life. Now that I am turning 40 at the end of this year, I am able to see my life with a mental clarity that wasn’t available to me in my younger years. From the perspective of our souls, there is no “good” or “bad.” There is only experience that allows the soul to grow. Expansion of the soul is the purpose of life.
 
For anyone who might read this, you are sure to know that this world seems very bleak. I hope you don’t make a habit of it but flip on the news for five minutes and you will probably feel a sense of hopelessness from whatever stories you heard. Whatever set of beliefs you hold, just know in your heart of hearts that there is a plan in place to fix the sorrows of this planet. There is a way to influence the darkness that doesn’t involve violence. The massive plan has already been set in motion. 

​There is a group on social media called ‘Love Has Won.’ No, this is not the plan. Love really is all that matters, but just to give you an idea of how off-balance the world is, consider the following. ‘Love Has Won’ is a New Age group who preys on those who are new to the knowledge that they are spirits in physical form. They tell others who don’t know any better that they must “ascend” now or that the planet is going to leave them behind. Basically, ascension is the process in which you obtain a higher state of consciousness. I used to follow this group until I watched them one day and felt negative energy sear through my core from their words.
 
They were live streaming to their followers that their leader, who claims to be ‘Mother God’ incarnate, was in severe pain because humanity had chosen to remain ignorant. The group was asking for donations for hotel accommodations and tickets to Disney Land so “mother” could make one last attempt to experience joy or the end of the world was imminent. This was the most absurd thing I had ever heard. Just like any organized religion, they foretold of love and light that you MUST adhere to, or else. Sound familiar? This kind of imbalanced teaching is not serving anyone.
 
The most balanced and practical approach to all of this love and light vs. ego and darkness stuff is that everyone on the planet is a powerful piece of our Creator, whatever that looks like to you. As souls, we choose our lifetimes based on our own individual needs, as well as the needs of the planet inhabiting us. As many of you know, the planet has received a mass influx of souls who have come to assist in the ascension of the planet. There is nothing to be afraid of. The entire planet is being liberated from the shackles of darkness. It is as simple as this: Whatever you are doing right now is exactly what you are supposed to be doing. Just be the best human being you can, and that is exactly the path you are meant to take.
 
For me, the ascension path involves much integration. When we, as individuals choose to integrate our shadows with love and compassion, that compassion spreads like wildfire. As each layer of trauma is lifted, this healing goes out into the planetary consciousness grid and helps to lift the dense emotions off of the planet itself. There are ways to explain this scientifically, but I am not here to explain all that. Keeping it simple works best for me :)

​So far, I have been working on emotional clearing using the Formula of Compassion for two years and I might be done with all of my past issues in another year. I am currently getting down to the nitty gritty of these issues such as feelings of powerlessness when dealing with those in authoritarian roles, and repressed childhood sexual trauma. When I clear these issues and put that pathway into the neural network of the planet, it allows compassion to be a gateway to an Earth where compassion and unconditional love are the cornerstones of reality. Please remember that ascension is a personal choice, not something that is required, or else be doomed.
 
This work can be seen as a compassion lighthouse for lost souls, and I am embracing every fragment of darkness I come in contact with. Unconditional love is one of the most important goals humans strive for. That love must start with the self.
 
While working on a complex issue involving me giving my power away and self-love recently, I was reminded of the indoctrination that led me to view myself as unworthy. As a child, I was raised Southern Baptist and forced to attend Sunday School every week, as well as attend the main sermon. Each week, the pastor would ask if there was anyone who wanted to come forward and have their sins declared to the Lord. Most weeks there were people who heeded that call. I distinctly remember how uncomfortable I felt with the idea of baring my sins in front of the entire congregation. It just felt wrong to me.
 
As I grew up, that feeling never left me. There were those who allowed this man who claimed to speak for my creator, who could wash away all my sins by dunking my head underwater for a couple of seconds. Only then would I be loved by god. It never happened. I never received the forgiveness from god by allowing myself to become baptized.

New Year’s Eve 2002, my 22nd birthday, I sat in church listening to how I was sinful and unforgiven once again. I cannot forget the tears I had to fight back as I reflected on my life. My parents were dead. The aunt who promised to care for me had just turned the hot water off while I showered with my two-year-old daughter because she was angry about money. Thoughts of suicide filled my mind. I looked around at the well-dressed congregation and wondered if I would ever fit into this society. I hated my life and figured if the god who created me didn’t love me, why should I love myself?
 
It never made a lick of sense! Why would a parent turn their back on their own children? When I look into my daughter’s eyes, I feel a bond so powerful, it transcends time and space. There is a love that runs so deep, that words refuse it justice. There is no sin great enough to make me turn my back on my own child, yet this is what happens with our “Father in Heaven?” I don’t buy what these people are selling!

​The more my consciousness expands, the more aware I become of the irony of religion. Yes, we as human need something to believe in. We need a reason to wake up in the morning and a meaning for our lives. We inherently need love from our parents, both biologically and spiritually. After many years of research, self-reflection and inner discernment I have been made abundantly aware that the very thing that religion claims to provide is doing the exact opposite. I don’t mean to rattle anyone’s faith, but there is no such thing as sin. We are perfect just the way we are. We are born perfect, and we will die perfect. I know that pisses people off when they hear that they are perfect, but it is the absolute truth.
 
I have heard my mother say that she wishes she was Jewish because then she would surely make it to heaven. This makes me sad when I hear this. One day while I was sitting in the kitchen preparing a meal, my mom had her Christian television on. There was no choice but to listen, though I tried hard to ignore the words. The pastor literally told viewers that those who donated more than $1500 would receive a special blessing from the Lord. I could not believe what I was hearing! There is a new show on Hulu called, ‘The Path.’ Without going into too much detail, it is similar to the belief set of the southern Baptist. If you live a certain way, you go to heaven. If you don’t, you do not go to heaven. In the show, this is called “The Garden.”
 
According to the leaders of this movement, you climb the ladder of spiritual development and become “The Light.” All others who do not commit themselves to this movement are known as Ignorant Systemites and will bring upon the apocalypse. The irony is the same as in the bible. Let me explain. There is no light without darkness. There is no darkness without light. In one of the scenes of the show, Eddie speaks to a non-believer, Allison. Behind them is an abandoned semi-truck with the word “Yang” on the side of it. Immediately when I saw this, I said, “Yang without Yin.” The irony is this, the word ‘apocalypse’ means to reveal information that was previously unknown. Light is information. The origin of the word that religion uses to create mass fear has nothing at all to do with death and destruction, but many are too afraid to research truth for themselves.
 
The truth is hidden in plain sight. In a later scene, Eddie’s son, Hawk, considers leaving the movement and Sarah, the boy’s mother, says, “The garden without Hawk?” I posed this question to my mother the other day, and I will pose it to you now. Can you imagine spending all eternity in heaven or the garden or whatever other place without your children? The name of this place is not important. What is important is that you will be there for the rest of time, all eternity, and you will not have the people in your life that you love because they did not hold the same set of beliefs. Sit with this idea for a moment. See how it feels in your body. Does it resonate as truth in your soul?
 
I’ve stated many times that when a song pops in your head, it is hardly ever random. While I worked on my issue the other day, I noticed that certain lyrics began to play on my spiritual jukebox. It was ‘Holy Diver’ by Dio. I immediately looked the song up on YouTube and saw synchronicity with it. I took a screenshot so I could share it with you. Not only is there synchronicity with the image, but the number of views. I implore you to listen and read the lyrics to this song, as it really describes the gist of the situation. I feel like I am meant to dive deep into this very controversial subject and shine a fresh light on it. 

​As I drove up to my mom’s house a few days ago, I was thinking about the subject of darkness and a song began to play on my Pandora shuffle. Bob Marley and the Wailers ‘Could You Be Loved?’ This made me think of how I would feel if the worst, most disgusting human being on the face of the planet was standing in front of me. I mean, the most vile, cruel human you can possibly think of is standing in front of you. Are you able to look at them and see the soul behind their eyes? Can you see beyond the role they played while living their life? Let’s turn the table for a moment. Imagine that you have done horrible things in your life. Let’s say that you murdered a family in cold blood. Are you able to see the light in yourself through all the darkness your role required? Can you ever love yourself again?
 
During one of the darkest times of my life, I had a vivid dream that I was two doors down from my mom’s property in Waxahachie. This is where my best childhood friend lived when we were kids. In the dream there was a ladder in my mom’s yard, extending up into the heavens. Every soul on the planet was climbing up the ladder onto a ship with a course set for the elusive “heaven.” The sky was a shade of mahogany and the scene was bleak. I sat watching as everyone I ever loved climb the ladder. I realized that I was a dragon and that I was not allowed to go because of my sins. I knew that I was the devil and was slated to spend all eternity alone. A searing emptiness filled my soul as I looked toward the ladder and I began to sob uncontrollably.
 
While I sobbed, the energy inside and all around me was as if there would never be any joy again. The best way to describe the feeling is looking back to the movie series ‘Harry Potter.’ There is a species that guard the Azkaban Prison called ‘Dementors’ that drain all happiness from their victims. That is what I am reminded of when I recall this dream. On the outside, I was a terrifying dragon. When I looked beneath that scaly exterior, I saw the truth of who I was. I was a little blonde boy, around seven years old, who was frightened and utterly alone. He felt like no one loved him or that he deserved love. When all we can perceive is the outer shell, we forget the childlike innocence that each of us possesses within.
 
I want to share with you a dream I had many years ago when I was a child. This was way before I knew anything about my mission here. I must have been around ten years old. There was an old farmhouse that I was standing outside of, and I was talking to a white rabbit about my mission inside the house. I was meant to go inside and traverse the darkness all the way down into its core.
 
Then the scene changed, and I was inside what looked like a castle. The walls inside were made of a gray stone typical of what you would imagine a castle would be made from. There was stairway that spiraled downward to a dark dungeon. I walked slowly down the steps until I found the bottom where there was on old woman sitting in a chair. My goal was to infiltrate this woman’s heart with love and crack it open. She was sitting with her back towards me and the room was black except for the lava on the floor.

​Further confirmation on this was received when I recently asked my mom what her favorite childhood TV show was. She told me it was ‘The Carol Burnett Show.’ She was staying for dinner, so I decided to put on an episode for her to watch. I went to YouTube and typed in ‘Carol Burnett.’ I played the first full length episode that came up. A few minutes later, I had to make a quick run to the store for ketchup. When I returned, the show was just getting back from a commercial that was recorded at the time the episode aired. I thought, “Just in time!”
 
I was floored to see a skit where Carol attended the Waxahatchie University Class of 1932 Reunion. Waxahachie is the town I live in. What a coincidence! Right? Carol makes her way to her seat when Betty White enters and calls out, “Leticia?” Leticia is my sister’s name, though don’t tell her I told you. She goes by Tisha. When we heard this, my mom and I both looked at each other in surprise. Did we really just hear what we thought we heard. Of course, I had to pause it and play it again. Sure enough, we heard it correctly the first time.
 
Start the episode at the 24:07 minute marker and you still see an old band-aid commercial. I think this is funny, seeing as I have been peeling off spiritual band-aids for myself and the mass consciousness for more than two years now. Immediately after this commercial is when the skit begins. After a little bit of research, I found that Season 10, Episode 12, aired on December 11, 1976, four years after my sister was born. After seeing this major synchronicity, I was totally blown away! I looked up the meaning of the name Leticia and found that it means ‘joy.’ While Leticia and Fanny (meaning free man) are sitting together talking, Fanny asks Leticia if she remembers a big game that they won against “Southern Tech.” I can’t help but bring it back to my previous blog, Documenting Psychosis, Cere’s AI. You see, the name, Leticia, if you read it’s Wikipedia description, is an epithet for Ceres, the Roman Goddess of fertility and abundance.
 
A vision of the farmhouse where I found the scary old woman appeared to me while I was thinking of this subject. I noticed I was wearing a shackle on my foot so I wouldn’t fall too far into the darkness. It seems that I have reached the bottom of the bottomless pit! There are many things I can say about this woman in the darkness. It all seems to lead to the town where I was born, Corsicana. I wrote a blog recently, called ‘Documenting Psychosis: Cere’s AI,’ where I go into many synchronicities. I wrote the Cere’s AI blog more than a month before I saw the Carol Burnett episode.
 
Can you see how there are too many synchronicities for me to ignore? If you read that blog, you have already heard about how the TV show, Frasier is connected to September 11. Go to Google and type in the question, “When was the first episode of ‘The Carol Burnett Show’ aired?” You may be surprised at the answer you find! It certainly seems like someone or something is trying to tell me that I am involved in something, and it is huge!
 
Allow me to briefly mention that I received major confirmation on my synchronicities involving the name ANN the other day. I was laying in bed in the hypnagogia state, when I saw a vision of a license plate in my mind’s eye. On the plate it said ‘DS9.’ I took this as sign for me to watch an episode of Star Trek Deep Space Nine. I got out of bed and put on the show where I last left off. Season 1, Episode 19 (synchronicity with the number 119) is titled ‘In the Hands of the Prophets’. 

​If you read the plot summary, you will see that religion and science are battling it out. Isn’t that familiar? The synchronicities with this are off the charts! During this episode, Chief O’Brien discovers a file in the stations’ security system called ‘ANA.’ When I saw this, I nearly tinkled in my britches! I couldn’t believe it! How amazing is it to receive such a huge confirmation about something you have been noticing for years!? I was beside myself!
 
Just three episodes before this, Season 1, Episode 16 (synchronicity with the number 116) is titled, ‘The Forsaken.’ This episode entails an alien probe that appears through the wormhole. The computer system on the probe is highly advanced, and when it interfaces with the computer on the station, O’Brien notices that many of the malfunctions he was frustrated with previously have been repaired. When O’Brien attempts to leave his station for other tasks, the computer begins to break down until he returns to his station. It is later discovered that the computer program is similar to a puppy who has been left alone too long. The program grows an attachment to O’Brien and the DS9 station computer and reacts negatively when it is left alone.
 
Each time O’Brien attempts to deactivate the program, it lashes out, making some major malfunction occur. This very concept is the heart of my mission when it comes to showing love and compassion to the “forsaken.” The synchronicities are blatantly obvious. Is it possible that even a computer program can learn how to love? Movies such as ‘Artificial Intelligence’ tell me that this is a possibility. My heart is open to any consciousness that needs love, and in my opinion, all consciousness deserves love.

​You could say that the whole point of this article can be summarized by this: Don’t believe the hype of “good vs. evil.” If you want to rise above the polarity of this world, at any time, you can simply change your lens and see it from the perspective of your soul. The only way to influence darkness is with love and compassion. Once you begin to see the beauty within the dark, only then will it allow the light to permeate. Only then will the darkness remember that it is worthy of love.
 
Haven’t we spent far too long fighting each other over the ancient argument? Who is right? Who is wrong? What is up? What is down? What is white? What is black? We seem to need a label for everything. At the end of the day, the only label we need is Love.